Friday, February 02, 2007
What a day, today is one of my most emotional days, everything that i treasure the most is suddenly being taken away from me. If you say u understand you don't, is this frustrating feeling of being helpless seeing what u love and treasure the most taken away right in front of your eyes, like your favorite childhood toy being taken away and all u can do if cry and want it back so bad and not being able to do anything about it. Because you know u cant all u can do is cry. this is how suck i feel now, cause all i can do now is be like a kid and cry and wine i want all those that is being taken away from me to come back. Feeling fucking deprived and no sense of security it just all suck.
i want all those precious memories to come back,
i want to embrace all the happiness no sorrows just the feeling of being loved and being able the life in one piece
i want Ruth back , hugging me in her arms and calling me Chelsie, in the past i thoughts that was all silly but now i take all those back, i never thought i would say this but i want you to call me Chelsie as many times as possible and never leave !
i want to go back to the time were the innocence of a sec1 in angklung band just doing my best to help the band play the song right and feeling for it there were no worries back then everything was all in place everyone aimed for only the highest , everyone was loved
i want to go back to the time where angklung music was just fucking mind blowing that it would just take your breath away, that it would make your heart stop to listen to us !
I know just thinking about all these crushed up thoughts would just hurt me even deeper, because i am only wishing for all that's in the past and would never come back, the feeling will never be the same! if i knew i would regret for not being able to treasure all these ! i would have know better than to appreciate and accept everything and not complain ! But now no matter how much i wish and hope all these memories to come back when it never will , it is lost forever everything is now crushed up it so hard to pick up all the pieces it will never be the same!
But i will never give up, i will strive hard to make everything the same again although some thing can never be the same but i will achieve for the best of it! To get back what i treasure the most, to feel the sense of accomplishment a feeling that will over come all my sorrows all my cuts and burns ! I shall inspire all to do the same. THE DAY WILL COME WHEN ALL MY HARD WORK IS BEING REWARDED WITH THIS AWESOME FEELING. But for now i have to work hard WE ALL HAVE TO !
